How is your sex life?
Having problems answer this question? It’s alright. I would feel the same. It is a tough one. You could not decide whether to tell the truth that is is as dead as a nail or tell an unbelievable tale.
Most men will find this question embarrassing because nobody wants to talk about their sex life. If they do tell, they either do it jocularly or lace it with lies to be ludicrous. They would rather tell of the time they wet their pants than admit that having an erection is a thing of the past.
But there’s really nothing wrong in talking about sex, or the lack of it, among friends. Chances are that their sex lives are no better, or worse than yours. So what’s wrong with comparing notes? The insight you can get may benefit you in the long run.
So rather than keep your sex life secret, bring it into the open and embrace some sex realities among seniors like you. That is the only way to address this problem common among elderly people.
First reality – sex has no age limit:
There is no age limit to sex or sexual activity, according to Stephanie A. Sanders, PhD, and associate director of the sexual research group, The Kinsey Institute
Age, however, brings some changes that forces you to limit the frequency of engaging in it, give it another form.
“If you stay interested, stay healthy, off medications, and have a good mate, you can have a good sex all the way to the end of life,” says Dr. Walter M. Bortz, 70, a professor at Stanford Medical School, past president of the American Geriatrics Society and former co-chair of the American Medical Association’s Task For on Aging.
Second reality – sex is good for your health:
“People that have sex live longer. Married people live longer, People need people. The more intimate the connection, the more powerful the effects,” adds Dr. Bortz.
Taylor-Jane Flynn, a psychology PhD candidate at Glasgow Caledonian University supports Dr. Bortz.
In a limited study done by the university concerning elderly sexuality, it was observed that “they miss and want to engage in sexual behavior, whether that be a kiss, to intercourse. For many, these behaviors remained an important element in their life,”
The researchers found the result of the study significant because it was not done in a clinical environment but by getting date from questionnaires distributed in local clubs, small businesses and old people’s groups.
Of those who received the questionnaires, 75 to 89% said they’d engage in kissing, hugging, and holding hands, or touching within the last six months. Men and women scored about the same for frequency and importance of sexual behaviors overall, and for quality of life.
Participants reporting more frequent sexual behavior rated their social relationships as higher quality, while people who found sexual activity to be important had higher scores for psychological quality of life.
The bottom line?
If you want to have a healthy life, engage in sex more frequently.
The question is how?
Reality three – you can rekindle your sex life:
One day Grandpa and Grandma were watching TV healing service.
Then the preacher called all viewers to approach their TV set, place one had on the TV and the other hand on the body part they wanted healed.
Grandma got up and did as told – she place on hand on the set and the other on her arthritic shoulder which was giving her so much pain.
Grandpa followed and did the same. However he placed his other hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”
Well, this is a case where Grandma does not know best. Your sex life is not totally dead; it can be rekindled. Here’s how…
1. Openly discuss your sex problem with your partner:
Men are, by nature, not very open to situations that question their macho image.
But honesty and openness is the only way to address this issue that affect both of you to avoid frustration, disagreements and probably stress out your relationship.
A lot of marriages broke up due to sexual incompatibility.
2. Consult your doctor:
Sexual problems may not just be due to aging but by some underlying medical conditions or side effects of your medications.
You can rule them out by consulting with your doctor.
3. See a sex therapist:
Get a referral from your doctor for an appointment with a sex therapist to help you and your partner settle specific issues concerning your sex life.
4. Redefine sex:
Intercourse or sexual penetration is the usual definition of sexual activity. Age would often make this difficult, so settle and agree on getting the same sexual satisfaction through other means.
You can get an orgasm through passionate kissing, sensual touching, masturbation and other forms of sex gratification.
Try various times of the day when you are refreshed and strong, like early in the morning.
Or another sexual position to see what excites you both.
Seniors normally take long to become aroused, so be patient and understanding with each other.
Sex is like fine dining – it is better to go slow and easy.
5. Set the stage for intimacy:
Use a little imagination to set your romantic juice flowing, i.e., candles, flowers, scents, soft music and your favorite wine.
Do whatever it takes to turn you on.
You may have difficulty in having an arousal or maintaining it, but don’t get discouraged. You will get there if you just exercise a little patience and fortitude.
Just relax and take it easy. Focus on the task at hand and stay positive.
And just to make sure everything will end up well, take the blue pill at least an hour before you engage in intimate sexual activity.
No matter how well-focused you may be; how relaxed, and how horny, your mind can play tricks at the most propitious moment and suddenly turn you off.
My sexuality at my age is in the idling mode. After having had so many affairs, I have realized that sex is better, more exciting and meaningful with a partner on the same wavelength as me.
I believe in the subtle art of seduction and find great sexual pleasure out of a good conversation before taking her to bed.
So next time someone asks you how your sex life is just say, “Better than yours.”
Please help other seniors by sharing this. Better still, subscribe to my newsletter to get a weekly update of the exciting and bittersweet life of a senior.