How to Deal with Adult Children Problems

Health Secrets

 

Are you having problems with your adult children?

Elizabeth Vagnoni has, which led to her estrangement from her two adult sons.

She still loves and misses them so much and wants to tell them so – every day. But the deep silence between her and adult children get in the way.

What makes her so sad is that she deemed the problems they had were so small to have caused their estrangement, and her torment.

Elizabeth is not suffering alone. Problems with adult children have become so common it has become a “silent epidemic,” says Joshua Coleman, co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families.

It is “silent” because elderly parents are hesitant to openly talk about them In fact, there is no data showing its magnitude. But some do share their sad stories online. For example this Dear Annie letter which was featured in the Psychology Today…

 

…My husband and I have three adult children who were the delight of our lives. We had a typical loving family, with vacations, birthday parties and special celebrations that included friends and extended family. We had anxious times during illnesses, surgeries, and accidents, but we made it through. All three of our children have grown to be successful, well-liked respected adults. Sadly, over the past 22 years, they have all chosen to shut us out of their lives. We’ve had minor disagreements at times but never any major battles that might justify their choices. None of them will tell us why they are angry….I know you’re probably thinking “there must be something.” If so, we don’t know what it is…We have forgiven our children…We will always thank Go for choosing us to be their parents.

 

While it is normal for families to have occasional disagreements, but most these problems are forgotten and forgiven after a short ceasefire, or a good sleep. A few linger on ultimately creating a chasm that divides elderly parents and adult children. If not properly dealt with, it can result to estrangement.

Parents are often clueless of the cause or causes of these problems. This is because, according to Elizabeth, of the conflict of expectations between the old and the new – the generation gap thing.

Elderly parents find it difficult to accept the current realities, while their adult children thrive on it. Elderly parents still want to hold sway over the lives of their adult children, while the children want to be rid of it.

For example, older generation value hard work, education, character and integrity as pre-requisites for success. On the other hand the FB generation, or whatever label they want to be identified with, eschew those values and will readily cite a string of examples to support their case.

 

I and my children:

My problems with my two adult children are quite different from that of Elizabeth’s. But it could end the same way if not dealt with effectively.

My children are not talking to each other and I am caught in between. Here is how it happened.

My first is a girl, and the second, a boy. Though only one year and nine months separated their birthdates they are like two peas from two pods.

Even at a tender age, the girt fought back if irked. On the other, the boy just cried and cried and cried.

In their formative years they lived harmoniously together like any other sister and brother. My daughter looked after her brother, and my son looking up to his sister.

Their divergent personalities started manifesting after college.

Right after getting her license as a doctor, my daughter immediately set up a clinic and obtained admission privileges from local hospitals.

My son, on the other hand, could hardly pass a job interview. And he resigned from one of his earlier jobs to join a band because, according to him, he wanted to be “famous.”

Then both got married. My daughter married a surgeon, while my son, a lady lawyer who is earning more than him.

If this has affected him psychologically, he has done a wonderful job hiding it.

My daughter measures her success by the growth of her bank account, while my son from the number of likes he gets from his FB posts.

My daughter nags him for lack of initiative and maturity. Defensively, he shoots back by calling his sister arrogant and insensitive.

These differences simmered for a long time, with me not minding it so much, until about a month ago for the silliest of reasons.

I have tried several ways to bring them back together; to make them talk to each other again. So far I have been unsuccessful. Each is as hard-headed as the other.

I love them both and I could never allow them to drift away from each other forever. I couldn’t live through the trauma and suffering of seeing them like strangers to one another.

My children are the only treasures I have since my wife died more than eight years ago, and it would be a disaster to lose them right before my eyes.

Right now I am giving my children some space, a slack – just like a fisherman wanting to land a price catch would, to avoid breaking his line..

I have also done a few DIY things to keep the storm turning into a tempest. These are:

 

Keep my cool:
Times have changed. There was a time when raising my voice would be enough to make them toe the line, keep them in step.

It would not work these days even if I roar and growl until I get hoarse. They have become their own persons, having their own set of values and beliefs which cannot change even if I use a megaphone

I can only steer them to a more appropriate and collaborative direction.

 

Think squarely and fairly:
I have always noticed their personality differences early on but assumed they will outgrow them.

I was wrong.

Now I have to accept my own shortcomings and their individual differences to be able to make do with what I have.

More often than not, life only gives us bits and pieces of a whole. It is up to us to put them together.

No matter how different their personalities may be, they are my children and it is up to me to put my family back to one beautiful piece.

To do that, I must exercise and use everything I’ve learned through the years.

 

Avoid the blame game:
Individually, I have good relationship with both. Getting them together is impossible for now.

This individual connectivity, if I may call it, is an opportunity to heal our differences, mend our shortcoming provided I won’t play one against the other.

We all failed each other and blaming any one for the problems we are in is counterproductive.

If there is one to blame, it is I for not doing something sooner.

 

Exercise humility:
It is a difficult pill to swallow for most, but sometime in any parent/child relationship, its formality must evolve into the informality of a friendship. That is the only way to achieve a more cordial, honest, respectful, and loving communication.

This, however, requires humility.

Times have changed so much. Technology has tainted our core values, our beliefs long demolished by changing paradigms. Clinging on those values and beliefs we inherited from our parents is not going to resonate well with our children.

And we must be humble enough to acknowledge all these in order to move forward.

 

Persevere:
Patience and perseverance are not among my core values. But concerning my children, I will walk the extra mile, carry an extra load, and sweat a little more.

I will do anything to heal the rift between my adult children – even if I have to persevere like I have never done before.

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

I have always been a take-charge guy. In he workplace my mantra was “if you are not with me, get out of the way.”

Dealing with children, especially your own adult children, is not that easy and simple. It requires the deft and adroitness of a diplomat. We just couldn’t get rid of them. They are your flesh and blood, they carry your genes and you are partly to blame however they turn out later in life.

For them to drift away from your life, or being shut-off from theirs is a conviction of your having failed yourself and your children.

Please help other seniors by sharing this. Better still, subscribe to my newsletter to get a weekly update of the exciting and bittersweet life of a senior.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2926046/The-one-million-elderly-people-days-without-seeing-talking-phone.html

~oOo~

How to Make Delicious and Healthy Soup – Part 1

Health Secrets

 

Is soup a regular part of your meal?Do you normally have soup with your meals?

I dot is with mine. It whets my appetite.It

My favorite is a vegetable soup made up of moringa leaves, moringa leaves, eggplant, and squash. Occasionally I indulge on meat broth (chicken, pork or beef), but laden with head or Chinese cabbage, and potatoes.

They are super delicious and healthy, too.

I take several spoonfuls of it before taking solid food. It is warm and soothing to the mouth, and unbelievably satisfying to an empty stomach.

 

You should try it if you are not into soups yet. Other then physical sensations, soups have three other healthy benefits. These are:

 

1. Soup  increases the vegetable content in your diet – something uncommon to a typical American diet;

Vegetable soups, aside from being easy to prepare, contain a lot of nutrients necessary to augment a seniors daily dietary needs.

 

2. It is filling – soups can be as filling as solid foods, In fact, they can be taken as a meal provided it is rich in proteins, according to a January 2005 article published in the “Physiology & Behavior,” magazine.soups can be as filling as solid foods and can be taken as a meal, provided it is laden with protein;

 

3. Soups have low energy density – they don’t make you gain weight because they have very low calorie content.-calorie

Not all soups, no matter how delicious, are healthy, however.

Cream-based soups like the New England chowder soup is an example. It contains 201 calories and 10 grams of fat. By comparison, a vegetable soup only has 90 calories and 0.8 grams of fat.

Canned soups are definitely a no-no. They have high levels of bisphenol A, or BPA, which may increase your risk of heart disease and diabetes, according to the June 2011 issue of “The Journal of the American Medical Association.” Besides, they are full of sodium

So if you want to have a delicious and healthy soup, make your own in your kitchen.

You can start with the immune-boost soup.

 

Immune-Boost Soup:

Ingredients:
– 1 small yellow onion, diced;
– ½ cup chopped mushrooms (maitake, or portabella);
– I head escarole, roughly chopped (you can use kale or chard);
– 1 can, low-sodium white beans (lima beans can also be used);
– 1 quart, organic low-sodium chicken broth stock;
– 1 tablespoon, olive oil

 

Preparation:
– Sautee diced onions and mushrooms in olive oil;
– Add broth stock and beans;
– Boil. Then add escarole;
– Simmer the mixture for a few minutes, then add salt and pepper to taste.

Let the mixture cool down to sipping temperature. Voila! You have a delicious and healthy soup.

 

Health Benefits:

As we age, the body undergoes two critical changes (among others) – loss of sensitivity of the taste buds and the slowing down of metabolism.

The first can be solved by eating something sweet and delicious to the tongue, while the second by eating healthy foods to reinforce the body’s immune system which is affected by the drop in metabolic rate.perk Loss of sensitivity is often cured by eating something sweet and delicious to the

Fortunately, the main ingredients of the immune-boost soup, mushrooms, and escarole can do both.

 

1.  Mushrooms:
Mushrooms are delicious and healthy due to its high dietary fiber content, Protein, vitamin C, Folate, Iron, Zinc, and Manganese.

They are also high in vitamins D and B6, Riboflavin, Niacin, B6, Pantothenic Acid, Phosphorous, Potassium Copper, and Selenium.

 

2.  Escarole:
This veggie is full of vitamins and minerals like vitamin A, K, and Folate. Even a half-a-cup serving contains vitamins C, E, and B, and Calcium, Potassium, Manganese, Phosphorous, Iron, Sodium, Copper, Manganese, Zinc, and Selenium.

No wonder it is called immune-boost soup.

Eating healthy foods is a must for any age. It becomes a necessity as we age because of the deterioration of some of our physiological functions, which can be compensated by a good diet.offset by a good diet.

And you don’t need a degree in culinary arts to do that because there is a horde of DIY healthy recipes on the Internet, which you can easily and cheaply do at home.

Please help other senior citizens by sharing this or subscribing to my newsletter to get a weekly update about the exciting, often bittersweet, life of an elderly.

Image: https://urbanwellnessclinic.com/5-immune-boosting-tips-to-help-transition-into-autumn/

~oOo~

Is Moving to a Retirement Home Good?

To move or not to move.

Do you know what earth balling a tree is?

Earth balling a tree is the digging it out from the earth, in a circular shape, leaving most of its root system undisturbed and intact, and moving it to a predetermined place.

In more ways than one, earth balling a tree is very similar to moving to a retirement home.

First: It is done with good intentions;
Second: It requires uprooting an entire root system;
Third: Both are done after very careful consideration, evaluation and consultation to make sure the activity satisfies all the parties involved.

Moving to a retirement home requires no less amount of careful consideration, consultation, and evaluation because it can have very grave and irreversible repercussions.

According to the AARP, 90% of seniors want to stay in their own homes. Of these, about 5% are thinking of moving to a retirement home (U.S. Bureau of Census), while another 5%, into nursing homes.

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Signs of Potential Medical Problems You must Heed

Health Secrets

Losing or gaining weight?

Since the dawn of Man, signs have already played a crucial role in his life. Primitive man broke leaves, etched on tree trunks, read footprints, or drew on cave walls or on stones.

Those signs were all meant to convey a message – usually to convey information or warning of potential serious consequences if ignored.

We don’t break leaves or etch on tree trunks anymore, but our lives are still governed by signs. In fact, more signs – from those on laptop or smartphone keyboards to street signs along the roads you drive through each day.

Then as now, they convey the same message, but more complex, comprehensive and baffling, at times.

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How to Prepare Cheap and Healthy Snacks – Part 1

Health Secrets

Crispy baked sweet potato – yummy!

Do you want to lose weight? Take snacks between meals.

No, this is not bull or hype but from personal experience. Taking snacks keep you from overeating during the major meals, i.e. breakfast, lunch, and dinner – that’s my secret of keeping my weight at a constant 66 kilos (give or take 2 to 3), over the years. It’s as steady as my heartbeat (of course, I also exercise a lot).

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How to Avoid Financial Exploitation

 

This could happen to you…

Bob, a successful businessman suffered a stroke at age 60. A little later he suffered another one.

After the second, one his two sons moved in to take care of him. And he did.

First, he convinced his parents to move to a place where the climate is warmer.

Second, forging his parents’ signature, he moved their financial statements to a P.O. box address and instructed their financial advisor to wire funds into the new bank account.

By the time they knew it, he had already stolen $3 million dollars from his own parents, forcing his mother to put his father in a nursing home as she could no longer take care of him.

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How to Protect Yourself from Elderly Abuse

Health Secrets
Do you want to be treated this way?

Of course, not! It will sadden you; it will ruin your self-respect. You will feel insulted, angry and, maybe, want to strike back at your tormentor if only you aren’t so weak and helpless.

Note: Video is a social experiment to raise people’s awareness to the growing menace of elderly abuse and to see how the public reacts to it.

I know how it feels because sometimes I get the receiving end of a-day-gone-bad from my children.

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How to Prepare an Easy and Nutritious Dinner – Part 1

Health Secrets

It’s dinner time!

You should not miss it because you have at least six to seven hours before breakfast and you don’t like to be awakened from a deep evening sleep by a grumbling, hungry stomach. Do you?

What to have for dinner, however, can be a problem, especially if you live alone with no one to prepare it for you.

Fortunately, in this age of quick-fixes, there are several options to choose from. For example, you can try this easy-to-prepare, yet nutritious dish – One Pan
Sau·té.

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