To Use or Not to Use Online Dating Sites

Health Secrets

online

Online Romance

Do you use online dating sites? I do, so does a lot of men and women worldwide.

In fact, about 40 million Americans use dating sites. Among them, the adult sector, 55 to 64 years old, is registering the fastest growth: from 6% in 2013 to 12% in 2015.

Dating sites have come a long way since it first appeared in 1995. By 2002, it had 26.6 million subscribers and by 2007, dating sites became the highest online industry with paid content (next to Porn).

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How to Treat a Gay in the Family

Health Secrets

I am surrounded by gays, but this one tops them all…

“Uncle, I want you to meet my husband, David.”

Immediately, my jaws dropped and I was transfixed not knowing whether to jump with joy or drop dead with embarrassment. I was totally taken off guard that I froze – unable to give the couple a hug or a congratulatory handshake.

Why? You see, husband David, apparently married my nephew, not niece.

Same-sex marriage is not only taboo in my country’s strictly religious culture, it is also not allowed by law (they married in Australia). To have a close relative, a nephew, marrying another man is nothing short of a near-death experience; my ancestors must have turned in their graves.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against gays. In fact, I am surrounded by them. There is a gay in every generation of both sides of my family, i.e., a brother, an uncle, close and distant relatives, not to mention close friends. Even I was effeminate as a child my Mom wanted me to become a priest, and had I more than one son, the other would probably be gay, too.

I am ambivalent towards them. I know that their sexual orientation is not their fault. In fact, I sympathize with them for having to face the stigma of being gay everyday of their lives.

If you have a gay in the family, as I do, treat him with respect and understanding – especially when they are old and grey. Their sexual orientation is a work of Nature which they couldn’t do anything about as you can’t do anything about yours.

Don’t be swayed by ill-informed statements like that of Ben Carson’s that being a gay is a choice. Nobody would choose to live a life of constant harassment, ridicule, abuse, or be ostracized by the mainstream.

Would you?

I once had a lively chat with two gays in a coffee shop. I wanted to pick their brains on how it is to be gay. Well, both are earning a living and, at the same time, supported by closet lovers.

Even as a child, they knew that they were “different,” and had to fight a long battle of attrition against family members who couldn’t accept them as they are. They won, ultimately.

That’s how it is with gays. Before making a public “debut,” they have to face the same gauntlet of disapproving family members. For them, that is the toughest hurdle. Once they gain acceptance at home, let the general public be damned.

Younger gays are a raucous bunch, even vulgar. There is nothing sacred for them and are always ready to take a swipe at anybody or anything that frowns on their sexual orientation. And they are fearless fighters for their rights. Never lock horns with a gay. You will surely lose.

Age mellows them somehow, and elderly gays are more subdued, introspective, genteel, and act accordingly. But that doesn’t improve their lot in the eyes of society in general.

They still are subjected to unfounded restrictions you and I are spared from. For example, gays are…

 

1.  Childless and alone in their old age:
Studies show that gays are four times less likely to have kids compared to non-gays of the same age group.

This leaves them with without any help when they need it most.

Relying on government programs is not encouraging either. Medicare  doesn’t cover everything for a long-tern nursing home care and, according to the National Bureau of Economic Research, only 3% of  senior gays are covered with a private long-term insurance.

Elderly seniors’ old age future is anything but rosy.

 

2.  Poorer than non-gays:
Gays, even today, suffer from employment discrimination. This leaves them with hardly any savings when they reach retirement age.

A study done by the University of California, LA, shows that 4.9% of elderly gays (collectively called LGBT) are poorer compared to non-gays. Overall, 42% of elderly gays suffer from financial difficulties at retirement.

 

3.  Still discriminated upon:
Despite gaining much acceptance, gays still feel biases against them.

For example, gays are often not welcomed in some senior centers where they could socialize with other seniors and to fill out important paperwork dealing with government assistance programs for seniors.

Even the professional staff at these centers is, in most cases, not trained to handle the peculiar needs of gays.

 

4.  Having peculiar health problems:
Many gays suffer from mental issues that affect their lives like loneliness, depression, isolation and thoughts of suicide, according to SAGE (Strategic Advisory Group of Experts).

This because a lot of them dd not seek treatment early on for fear of being considered mental cases. Now it is considered to be due to a genetic framework that didn’t perfectly fit – not a mental illness.

Another health issue is HIV. In 2011, more than a quarter of the 1.2 million with HIV in the U.S. were gays, according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

There are currently more than 39 million people in the U.S, aged 65 years and older, who identify themselves as gays (LGBTs, for lesbians, gays, bi-sexual, transgender). That’s a lot to reckon with; a lot of votes no politicians can ignore.

You can mock them, ostracize them, call them names or label them but that can’t change what they are. They cannot do anything about their sexual orientation as much as you cannot do anything about yours.

At the end of the day, you are left with no choice but accept them as they are. Besides, other than their sexual orientation, they also need the same things you and I need; the same hopes and aspirations. They also expect the treatment from society you expect.

And they are a gregarious lot to be with.

Please help other seniors by sharing this. Better still, subscribe to my newsletter to get a weekly update of the exciting and bittersweet life of a senior.

Image: http://www.advocate.com/marriage-equality/2016/1/25/watch-sweethearts-candy-celebrates-same-sex-marriage

~oOo~

How Sexually Active Are You? Very much, for 73-yr-old Louise

 

“I expect to make love as long as I can,” says Louise Wellborn, 73 years old, of Atlanta, Georgia.

That’s how sexually active she is.

Louise, a former businesswoman says, “Sex keeps you active and alive.” “I think it’s as healthy as can be, in fact I know it. That’s what kept my husband alive for so long when he was sick. We had excellent sex, and any kind, at any time of the day.”

You might find Louise’s claim preposterous, or delusional. You might even think she’s an abnormally hot old bimbo.

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How to Make Marriage Last Long: from the World’s Longest Married Couple

Health Secrets

Herbert and Zalmyra Fisher - till death do us part.

Herbert and Zalmyra Fisher – till death do us part.

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher are both dead (Herbert in 2011 at age 105, and Zelmyra two years later). But not before they left behind some wonderful foods-for-thought for married couples.

First: In 2008, they won the Guinness Book of World Records for being the oldest living married couple.

At that time they have been married for 84 years – since May 13, 1924.

Second: In 2010, they opened a joint Twitter account to answer questions about marriage for Valentine’s Day, with this tagline:

“Tweet relationship questions to the world’s longest-married couple! Together for 85 years, Herbert+Zalmyra Fisher will tweet back on Valentine’s Day.”

Third: They left behind these wonderful bits of wisdom for married couples which can withstand the test of time. These are:

 

What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure. Divorce was NEVER an option, or even a thought.

 

How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
We grew up together and were best friends before we married. A friend is for life; our marriage has lasted a lifetime.

 

What advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep faith – when you meet him, you’ll know.

 

Is there something you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?
We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other and our family.

 

You got married very young – how did you both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as couple?
Everyone who plants a seed and harvests the crop celebrates together. We are individuals, but accomplish more together.

 

What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?
Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great grand-children and 1 great-great grandchild.

 

Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs – together.

 

What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
A hard worker and good provider. The 1920s were hard, but Herbert wanted and provided the best for us. I married a good man.

 

How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra’s mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.

 

What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are both Christians and believe in God. Marriage is a commitment to the Lord. We pray with and for each other every day.

 

At the end of a bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.

 

Is fighting important?
Never physically. Agree that it’s ok to disagree, and fight for what really matters. Learn to bend – not break.

 

What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Respect, support, and communicate with each other. Be faithful, honest, and true love. Love each other with ALL your heart.

Herbert and Zalmyra’s marriage is simply amazing, compared to current marriages which are like staying in a halfway house. Their enduring love for each other is exceptional. They deserve the honor bestowed on them by the Guinness Book of World Records.

Inspiring it may be, but difficult feat to beat. Whereas people are living longer these days, most of them will be singles by the time they reach old age because of divorce or death.

In 2014, 40 to 50% of marriages in the U.S. ended up in divorce or annulment – for several reasons.

Huffington Post featured an article showing the ten most common reasons for the shocking ending to this well-prepared, often expensive “I do…till death do us part,” ceremony.

They are nothing new. They have been circulated so many times they don’t warrant a second read – if it is to be read at all.

But the bottom line is this: People often don’t know what they are getting into when they tie the knot together.

They think that just because they miss a good night’s sleep when they don’t see each other for a day is reason enough to get married. They take marriage simply as sharing a bed, or sharing expenses, going out to dinner once a week, or a vacation every year.

Marriage is like welding two pieces of steel together. At the joint, each has a part of the other. Even if you pry them loose, they are never quite the same again. And each will be weaker compared to their original selves.

My marriage lasted 37 years until my wife died from cardiac arrest. That was 7 years ago. Our marriage was not a bed a roses, but it was neither that prickly either. But for the sake of the children, we were determined to keep it intact, till death do us part.

My point and that of Herbert and Zalmyra’s is that marriage is not something you just spew out if you don’t like its taste. It is like seasoning food to make it palatable to both. It may take a long time to get it right, but the effort and the wait is worth it.

Do you have any comment? I would love to entertain them.

~oOo~

Sex Life of Seniors Revealed: Unbelievable but True

Health Secrets

How is your sex life?

Having problems answer this question? It’s alright. I would feel the same. It is  a tough one. You could not decide whether to tell the truth that is is as dead as a nail or tell an unbelievable tale.

Most men will find this question embarrassing because nobody wants to talk about their sex life. If they do tell, they either do it jocularly or lace it with lies to be ludicrous. They would rather tell of the time they wet their pants than admit that having an erection is a thing of the past.

But there’s really nothing wrong in talking about sex, or the lack of it, among friends. Chances are that their sex lives are no better, or worse than yours. So what’s wrong with comparing notes? The insight you can get may benefit you in the long run.

So rather than keep your sex life secret, bring it into the open and embrace some sex realities among seniors like you. That is the only way to address this problem common among elderly people.

 

First reality – sex has no age limit:
There is no age limit to sex or sexual activity, according to Stephanie A. Sanders, PhD, and associate director of the sexual research group, The Kinsey Institute

Age, however, brings some changes that forces you to limit the frequency of engaging in it, give it another form.

“If you stay interested, stay healthy, off medications, and have a good mate, you can have a good sex all the way to the end of life,” says Dr. Walter M. Bortz, 70, a professor at Stanford Medical School, past president of the American Geriatrics Society and former co-chair of the American Medical Association’s Task For on Aging.

 

Second reality – sex is good for your health: 
“People that have sex live longer. Married people live longer, People need people. The more intimate the connection, the more powerful the effects,” adds Dr. Bortz.

Taylor-Jane Flynn, a psychology PhD candidate at Glasgow Caledonian University supports Dr. Bortz.

In a limited study done by the university concerning elderly sexuality, it was observed that “they miss and want to engage in sexual behavior, whether that be a kiss, to intercourse. For many, these behaviors remained an important element in their life,”

The researchers found the result of the study significant because it was not done in a clinical environment but by getting date from questionnaires distributed in local clubs, small businesses and old people’s groups.

Of those who received the questionnaires, 75 to 89% said they’d engage in kissing, hugging, and holding hands, or touching within the last six months. Men and women scored about the same for frequency and importance of sexual behaviors overall, and for quality of life.

Participants reporting more frequent sexual behavior rated their social relationships as higher quality, while people who found sexual activity to be important had higher scores for psychological quality of life.

The bottom line?

If you want to have a healthy life, engage in sex more frequently.

The question is how?

 

Reality three – you can rekindle your sex life:
One day Grandpa and Grandma were watching TV healing service.

Then the preacher called all viewers to approach their TV set, place one had on the TV and the other hand on the body part they wanted healed.

Grandma got up and did as told – she place on hand on the set and the other on her arthritic shoulder which was giving  her so much  pain.

Grandpa followed and did the same. However he placed his other hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”

Well, this is a case where Grandma does not know best. Your sex life is not totally dead; it can be rekindled. Here’s how…

 

1.  Openly discuss your sex problem with your partner:
Men are, by nature, not very open to situations that question their macho image.

But honesty and openness is the only way to address this issue that affect both of you to avoid frustration, disagreements and probably stress out your relationship.

A lot of marriages broke up due to sexual incompatibility.

 

2.  Consult your doctor:
Sexual problems may not just be due to aging but by some underlying medical conditions or side effects of your medications.

You can rule them out by consulting with your doctor.

 

3.  See a sex therapist:
Get a referral from your doctor for an appointment with a sex therapist to help you and your partner settle specific issues concerning your sex life.

 

4.  Redefine sex:
Intercourse or sexual penetration is the usual definition of sexual activity. Age would often make this difficult, so settle and agree on getting the same sexual satisfaction through other means.

You can get an orgasm through passionate kissing, sensual touching, masturbation and other forms of sex gratification.

 

5.  Experiment:
Try various times of the day when you are refreshed and strong, like early in the morning.

Or another sexual position to see what excites you both.

Seniors normally take long to become aroused, so be patient and understanding with each other.

Sex is like fine dining – it is better to go slow and easy.

 

5.  Set the stage for intimacy:
Use a little imagination to set your romantic juice flowing, i.e., candles, flowers, scents, soft music and your favorite wine.

Do whatever it takes to turn you on.

You may have difficulty in having an arousal or maintaining it, but don’t get discouraged. You will get there if you just exercise a little patience and fortitude.

Just relax and take it easy. Focus on the task at hand and stay positive.

And just to make sure everything will end up well, take the blue pill at least an hour before you engage in intimate sexual activity.

No matter how well-focused you may be; how relaxed, and how horny, your mind can play tricks at the most propitious moment and suddenly turn you off.

My sexuality at my age is in the idling mode. After having had so many affairs, I have realized that sex is better, more exciting and meaningful with a partner on the same wavelength as me.

I believe in the subtle art of seduction and find great sexual pleasure out of a good conversation before taking her to bed.

So next time someone asks you how your sex life is just say, “Better than yours.”

Please help other seniors by sharing this. Better still, subscribe to my newsletter to get a weekly update of the exciting and bittersweet life of a senior.

 

Image: https://www.agingtree.com/articles/seniors-and-sex/

~oOo~

How to get the Most out of Online Dating

How do you open a can or sardines, or assemble a model plane or a jigsaw puzzle?

Every now and then we are confronted with such questions and instinctively we know that the only way to find out is to have them in our hands and just dig in and do it.

Getting the most of online dating is like opening a can or sardines, or completing a jigsaw puzzle. You need to be in an online dating site to know, first hand, what it feels to be member, what promise it holds for you.

 

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