Do you love yourself?

I bet you do but are mum about it for fear of appearing self-centered, vain, egotistical, or narcissistic.

Loving oneself, or self-love is none of that.  It is isn’t about impressing others of your virtues or blowing your own horn. If taken in its undiluted form, it is something people cannot go without. After all, if you don’t love yourself, how can you expect others to?

Self-love, in its deeper context, is the linchpin upon which your happiness and overall well-being rest.

To get a better understanding, read on…

What is self-love

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. – Psychology Today.

Loving oneself means accepting your weaknesses and your strengths without being defensive about them. It’s being honest with your current situation and thought patterns and develop practices that reflect self-worth.

And developing self-love is a process, not a single shot in the arm.

Here is what famous people say about it:

1.  Self-love is the source of all other loves. – Pierre Corneille

2.  Our first and last love is self-love. – Christian Nestell Bovee

3.  Well-ordered self-love is right and natural – Thomas Aquinas

4.  I’ve learned to ignore the negative people and just be a living example of confidence and self-love. – Khoudia Diop

5.  Forgiveness isn’t just the absence of anger. I think it’s also the presence of self-love when you actually begin to value yourself. – Tara Westover

6.  Self-love has very little to do with how you value your outer self. It’s accepting all of yourself. – Tyra Banks

7.  Self-love is not something you get in one day or two days. It’s an ongoing process, and I go through it every day. – Khoudia Diop

8.  Self-love is really a foundation of everything, and however, you practice or express that is so, so important. – Solange Knowles

9.  If we give our children sound self-love, they will be able to deal with whatever life puts before them. – Bell Hooks

10.  People need to work on what self-love is and redefining self-love … it comes from within; who you are and how you carry yourself in this world. – Ashley Neil Tipton

11.  If you’re not happy with how you look, you have to question how much self-love you have. – Tyrese Gibson

12.  The deepest gift you can learn in life is about self-love, and it is not going to happen overnight. – Rumer Willis

13.  Had we not loved ourselves at all, we could never have been obliged to love anything. So that self-love is the basis of all love. – Thomas Traheme

14.  Self-love, it is obvious, remains always positive and active in our nature. – Gordon W. Allport

15.  Allowing myself to love God completely has obviously shed light on my self-love because he loves me more than I could ever love myself. – Angie Stone

16.  Well, I think everyone struggles with self-love. – Philip Seymour Hoffman

17.  Our own self-love draws a thick veil between us and our faults. – Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield

18.  I wish that more people, especially young people, were taught about self-love at a younger age. – Jamila Woods

19.  We often fancy that we suffer from ingratitude, while in reality, we suffer from self-love. – Walter Savage Landor

20.  If you have the ability to love, love yourself first. – Charles Bukowski

Hidden benefits of self-love

We all want to love and be loved. It makes us feel good, either way. But unless you love yourself first, both are nothing but mirages in a desert. You cannot give what you don’t have.

Besides being a prerequisite of loving and being loved, self-love also gives the following benefits:

1.  Better physical health

Self-love motivates you to take good care of your physical health. It makes you adopt healthy lifestyles like proper nutrition, plenty of exercises, and enough sleep.

It makes you avoid things and situations that pose risks to your health and well-being.

2.  Better mental health

About 3 to 14% of American elderly people suffer from an anxiety disorder. They are those whose minds are so messed up with uncontrollable things on the outside, rather than ease the turmoil going on inside.

They have self-love problems.

Self-love promotes better mental health because it removes the negative thoughts and feelings which are the major sources of anxiety.

It stills the mind, making it focus on the more important things that matter to your day-to-day affairs.

3.  Promotes better stress management

Stress is a part of life. Young and old face stressful situations on any given day. Though the body has natural defenses against it, these defenses begin to deteriorate at the onset of old age.

Not only that. Old age brings other factors like financial problems, shrinking social circle, health problems, living alone, etc., that increase the elderly’s risk to the ravages of stress.

Self-love equalizes the situation by making you accept and embrace your new realities, rather than bitching about it.

Acceptance brings peace of mind.

4.  Allows you to sway with the punches

Self-love allows you to meet adversities better than those who meet life’s difficulties head-on. And even if you run smack into it, you can recover faster from the shock because you know how to deal with it.

You don’t wallow on self-loathing or self-pity because you have accepted that life is like that – once in a while it throws a haymaker at you. You can’t dodge it or evade it, but self-love allows you to sway to minimize its impact.

4.  More satisfied with life

“If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are,” Mother Teresa.

That is the essence of self-love – knowing what you are and who you are and accepting it without reservations. Doing so raises your optimism and, according to Buddha, “…What you think, you become.”

I love myself. Not because my life’s balance sheet is showing surpluses, but because I have everything I need and am grateful for them. I have long learned to keep away from things outside my control and enjoy those I can. Above all, I can pursue my passions for writing and traveling without impediment.

And I hope I can encourage you to spread self-love by sharing this article with other seniors.

~oOo~

//www.mentalhealthamerica.net/anxiety-older-adults

. Which did me a lot of

//www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem

The post 20 Self Love Quotes that Will Brighten Your Day first appeared on Age With Charm.

Ten years ago, I turned 60. A day before I did, I mused, “Tomorrow I will be 60 years old. What would life be like#8221;

Two days later, I found the answer, “It’s the same.” Life was still the same at 60 as it was at 59. The only earth-shattering event that came upon me was the unexpected death of my wife towards the end of the year.

The circumstances of her demise are something I could never forget. They haunt me every now and then. So far, I have succeeded (with much effort) in keeping them at bay. I can’t bring her back to life even if I cry buckets of tears. But I can fill my life with fun as a balm to ease the pain of her loss.

We are all scarred:

At this point in life, it is almost certain that you have had one or two traumatic experiences. It could be failed expectations, an errant child, a major career blunder, bankruptcy, an ugly divorce or death of a spouse, and many others.

They mark you. Like scars on your face, they bring back a deluge of painful memories each time you look at the mirror. Tears of sadness fill your lonely moments, making you feel melancholic and depressive.

But life must go on, so to speak. And dwelling on your past sorrows removes the fun out of living. It makes you miss all the wonderful things that surround you – hidden behind cobwebs of misery that cover your eyes.

Never give in:

Despite my scars, and at 70, I am having much fun – by force of will. Like all seniors, I am not impervious to age-related issues.

I have a constant bout against loneliness, a mild case of hypertension and my knees are ravaged by osteoarthritis. But in hindsight, I am more fortunate than others. Statistics show that:

• 4 in 5 seniors suffer at least one chronic condition or illness like heart disorders, arthritis, or osteoporosis. One half, at least two.
• People over 75 years old visit the doctor 3 times more often than people 22 to 44 years old.
• An estimated 1 in 10 senior citizens are victims of elder abuse, the intentional acts by a caregiver that lead to physical, psychological, or emotional harm.
• US poverty rates are highest for people 65 and older, with 10.5% living in poverty.

But will these problems disappear or go away if you dwell on them too much NO! They are your new realities. You cannot avoid them. You must embrace them for these issues can bring out the best in you.

And you can – if you give it much effort. Modern science and medicine have evolved so much since the time of your parents to provide coping strategies that will allow you to live a normal happy life until the end of your days.

Take heed from these lines of the song, Don’t Worry, Be Happy:

                               In every life, we have some trouble

                               But when you worry you make it double.

Never give in. Fight back or devise coping mechanisms. It’s fun, believe me. It’s like winning a game of hide-and-seek.

Bring out the child in you:

Cecelia Ahern said, “Age is just a number, not a state of mind…” – Cecilia Ahern.

Meaning you can be old in your youth, or youthful in old age. And what better time to be young than now – while you still can?

I derive so much fun from my writing, sprinkled with solo long drives, or an overnight stay in a remote island resort. Except for a few friends with the same bandwidth as mine, I relish being alone.

Should I feel like connecting with others, I can easily talk to anybody I meet. I can talk to the guy at the next table in a coffee shop, a street cleaner, a security guard, or anybody who don’t mind talking to an old stranger like. Most of all, I love talking to foreigners (good for my conversational English. LOL!).

What about you What gives you much fun?

Choice Connections lists 13 fun activities for seniors. They can be done solo, or in a group setting. If none of them appeals to the child in you, devise your own.

Join a singing group if your vocal cords can still handle the right notes. If you are still as nimble as a brown hare, join a dance club.

Having fun is personal. That’s why I drink alone or take long drives alone.

But whatever you do, don’t ever let age stop you from doing it.

 “Old age” as we currently know it is just a fictional story we tell ourselves. – Joseph F. Coughlin said, “Old age, as we currently know it, is just a fictional story we tell ourselves.”

Then adds, “It is not about plain survival, either. But having lots of fun.”

The last weekend of January was fun-filled for me. I was in for a ride to Bacolod with my daughter and son-in-law. We were part of a 13-can convoy of Toyota FG Cruisers – those big and expensive cars men suffering from mid-life crises play with.

I love trips like that for two reasons: First – I don’t have to spend anything (my daughter takes care of that, and, Second: I get to rub elbows with people who are successful in their careers.

There were four doctors in the group (my daughter and her hubby, and two others), the rest were businessmen. Some brought their families along, while a few came solo.  I had so much fun being immersed in the banter among the group. No, they don’t talk about serious stuff, except when they talk about their car accessories and what more to add.

Bacolod is one of the three bustling cities in Central Philippines (the other two are Cebu and Iloilo).

It has all the amenities of comfortable living (It is not so crowded as Cebu) and there are nice restaurants to dine in and tourist places to visit. It is peaceful and the people are great. nice. latest But they all had fun

If you are living in a very stifling, polluted and densely-populated city as I do, Bacolod is a great place to visit for a short break.

~oOo~

The post Old Age Should be Full of Fun, not Pain first appeared on Age With Charm.

I am not anti-social, but more often than not, I relish to be alone.

While most people take being “alone” as solitude or loneliness, it is not. At least, it does not have the same negative connotation as its cousins.

Being alone isn’t bad if it is a deliberate choice. On the other hand, it can be healthy and something we all must have more of.

As a writer, being alone is a part of the trade. But if I want to have a temporary respite from it, I do either of two things: spend an evening in an island beach resort or take a long drive.

I did the latter two Sundays ago by driving north of Cebu, then turned west towards the towns Tabuelan, Tuburan, Asturias, and Balamban.

I started off at 6:30 am and, 242 kms and 9 hours later, was back home, tired and hungry but joyful for having fulfilled another item on my bucket list.

Long drives are physically demanding, but a lot cheaper than flying somewhere, and each has different things to offer, yet gratifying to mind and soul in very much the same way.

Benefits of long drives:
I take long drives to scratch an itch – the itch of hitting the road and breeze through places I’ve never been to before, punctuated by short breaks to stretch, eat, talk to people and take pictures.

These apparently senseless way to spend a day are beneficial the following ways:

1.  It is fun:
Doing something outside of your routine is fun. Being out there with nothing to care about is fun, and living out the things you want to do is fun.

To be in a strange place, talking to people you haven’t met before, nor will ever meet again, is fun.

There are risks, of course. But they make long drives even more fun. Calculated risks test your mettle, your resourcefulness, and your ability to survive in unfamiliar conditions.

2.  Relieves mental fatigue:
Most people relate fatigue with physical fatigue. It is rarely mentioned when people feel tired, sluggish and drowsy for no apparent reason.

Physical fatigue is done with after a few hours of sleep. Mental fatigue is more difficult to handle because it has different symptoms such as insomnia, loss of appetite, anxiety, depression, forgetfulness and feelings of lethargy without any reason.

It’s like a brain-crash. You lose interest in doing anything because your mental processes freeze.

Mental fatigue is often caused by medical issues. But if you are healthy, yet feel its symptoms, take a long drive before it becomes one.

Long drives relax your brain and allow it to sort the kinks that are keeping it from functioning properly.

3.  Informative and educational:
Long drives provide a wealth of information along the way. Some are funny, strange, and even worrisome like when I lost one of my bakes in the first town I passed through.

Luckily, I was led to a mechanic who condemned my rear right wheel brake. He did a marvelous job that I was able to go on my journey with three brakes functioning.

I love to take photos of street scenes and talk to people in every stop. The things you learn from them may not be useful, but getting connected with others is an excellent mental exercise.

The Filipinos are a friendly lot, bordering on being over-felicitous. They never pass the opportunity of making strangers feel at home.

This is probably due to his strong religious culture as manifested by the presence of a church in every town, no matter how small.

4.  It beats boredom:
Aside from the itch to hit the road, getting away from boredom is another reason why I often take long drives.

The nemesis of live-alone seniors is to be cooped up in the same four walls of home day-after-day. While the home may be where the heart is, after a while, it can feel like a cage.

You see the same thing, smell the same thing, feel the same thing. Everything is the same making your world look like an empty box of gray.

Before it drives you nuts, get in your car and drive wherever you want to go.

The feeling is liberating. To feel the gust of wind against your face is therapeutic. To see different colors swirling around you, different songs of the birds, and hear the waves hit the shore are an excellent way of breaking the humdrum of home.

5.  Gives you control of yourself:
My friends find my solo long drives weird. They think it rather dangerous, if not boring.

But that is the whole point of being alone – to be free from the influences and hindrances a companion would certainly cause.

Solo long drives give you total control of yourself, i.e., when to start or stop, or go to a toilet to pee; you can eat wherever and whatever you want without having to discuss the matter with someone.

You can take your own pace and not be stressed along the way.

It is the only time where you can entirely have a space of your own without having to consider other’s thoughts, ideas, or opinions. There is absolutely no disagreement or comprises if you go solo

Should you, at your age, drive Why not

Though there is a running debate whether elderly people should drive or not, if you still can, you should.

Age does affect our vision, our responses, our sense of direction and many other medical conditions that limit a senior’s ability to handle the physical demands of long drives, but they should not deter you from giving it a try if you can still get behind the wheel.

Today is the time of doing something different, something exciting and something you may not have done before, or ever will.

To make it safer, get a medical clearance before hitting the road and turn on your smartphone’s GPS to be constantly connected with your loved ones.

During my drive, I texted my daughter in each town I was in – even my brake problem.

Please share with others so other seniors can appreciate the joys and benefits of long drives.

~oOo~

The post Do You Want to be Alone Take a Solo Long Drive first appeared on Age With Charm.